Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
