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• (314): View more from Missouri

  There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.

  (818): View more from California

  Punch her baby.

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• (281): View more from Texas

  Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.

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• (559): View more from California

  I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper

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• (727): View more from Florida

  Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?

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• (513): View more from Ohio

  With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap

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• (817): View more from Texas

  Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.

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• (727): View more from Florida

  Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...

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• (501): View more from Arkansas

  And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409

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• (867): View more from Yukon/N.W.Territory

  We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.

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• (830): View more from Texas

  It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember

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• (432): View more from Texas

  I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave

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• (402): View more from Nebraska

  You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.

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• (517): View more from Michigan

  Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.

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• (912): View more from Georgia

  I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.

  (1-912): View more from Georgia

  How did you come to this point in your life?

  (912): View more from Georgia

  Good bartenders.

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• (925): View more from California

  I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.

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