The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Randomize
