I can feel you judging me through the phone.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
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