is your mom at the bar?
Don't make out with my wife yet
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
