its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Randomize
