She just used a chaser for red wine.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
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