You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
