I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Randomize
