I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
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