I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Randomize
