i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
