can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
