dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Randomize
