Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Randomize
