I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
