a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
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