hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Randomize
