just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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