haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
Randomize
