I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Randomize