at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
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