he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
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