And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
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