Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
