I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Randomize
