no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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