im six kinds of drunk right now
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
