Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
Randomize
