I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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