hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Randomize
