There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
I want to have your abortion
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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