About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Randomize