i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
