So drunk its hurt
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
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