I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
40s are totally the cure
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Randomize
