I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Randomize