this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
