dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Randomize