Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
I think my moral compass just broke
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
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