capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Randomize
