I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
Randomize
