is your mom at the bar?
you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
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