i think my mom watched the whole time
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
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