are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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