I didn't shave. On purpose
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
