where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
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