ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
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