its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
He had one of those small greek statue penises
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize