chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
Randomize