I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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