the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Randomize
