Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Drunk is a universal language darling
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
