kristin has been a bad kristin
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
