He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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