You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
