there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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