when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Randomize
