I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
