i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
