it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
