woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Randomize