Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Randomize
