Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
