If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
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