I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
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