I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
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