Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Randomize
