Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
this will be a night to untag.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
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