the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
Randomize
