So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
I am available for nakedness
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
